It is a quiet Saturday afternoon. I have lost many friends through violence, drugs and climbing accidents over the years. But Julie was in a different space.
Every day since she died I have spoken to Julie. As an atheist I know it is just to appease my head and yet it makes some sense to me.
I wish her the world of the after-life - stars and angels - were true and I feel comforted keeping her hopes alive.
I understand why 'believers' get in to the head-space of 'it is true'. I too can hear Julie replying to every question, re-looping conversations. Questions I posed when she was alive and conversations I can extrapolate. I hear Julie blowing a kiss as I walk out of the door, saying hello as I come home again, but none of it is real.
Try it believers - ask a genuine question to which you don't know an answer and there is a deafening silence.
Yet, today I felt a scowl, as I knew Julie would not have approved, but I don't know what it is I actually did that she would have disapproved of.
Lost the plot, but happy doing so.
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